2009-11-26 @ 1:58 AM
Positive...but still Melancholic
I had one of the weirdest nights (or rather...early mornings) of my life.
I found myself having alot of trouble sleeping, despite feeling really tired. I had my stuff taken care of for the day, and even got the chance to check on someone who has been out for a while, but for some incredibly weird reason, I cant get myself to sleep.
I cant take it anymore.
I dont want it anymore.
Anxiety neuroticism has finally take on its final and deadliest form...now able to rob me off from dream world.
It was then that I remembered what my friend from high school kept on telling me. Those were just 3 little words...
`Mind over Matter.`
I used to think that God made my mind have the same beat as my heart. I am usually rational and analytical, but even I couldnt tell if its my mind or my heart that do the thinking. Its as if my mind has developed feelings of its own, and my heart gained thoughts.
I couldnt make sense of those 3 words.
A lecture on Social Psychology somehow gave me a slap.
`Think Positive.`
Another set of words that I find myself hard to comprehend and relate with...no matter how simple it sounds. At least, until now.
It was then that I realized that I have been keeping myself within the darkness of my own loneliness for the whole time.
My situation is not actually bad. Well, I have my issues, but compare it with someone else`s misfortune and you`ll see Im still lucky. I have my family with me, bonded much stronger than ever before. We still have something to eat, I still get to attend classes, and I still even have the `luxury` of enjoying online experience.
I have kept myself from the world...despite having wonderful people around me. I have my 2 closest friends in college who never left my side...I have been given a place where I could freely express my thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged...I keep on meeting new people who adds more color to my then-dull life (or so I thought)...
God has been granting all my wishes since time immemorial. I just stayed too much out of light to even bother see them.
Mind over Matter.
Think Positive.
I know that the heart and mind You gave me was intended for a special purpose.
And its definitely not for me to use as a dark blanket to cover myself down into the loneliest of feelings.
You obviously want me to use it to be the person I really want to be.
A dreamer of hope.
A dreamer of courage.
A dreamer of love.
Its about time I bring an end to the sad dream I am staying at. Its far too long...and staying for more will only kill me.
Its about time for me to visualize the world as full of positives...full of things that are worth appreciating...full of things that are worth being happy about.
Is it possible to stay Melancholic when I decide to take the `positive` way? We`ll have to see. n_n
(weird post here. i know it sounds freakin random, but these are what my heart wants to say right now. haha.)
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