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Take the time to read.
Comment on my posts.
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If you don't, I'll steal your cookie.


And touch my eggs too while we're on it.

He is a Dreamer.
He is a Melancholic.
He is a Fatalist.

He wears glasses.
He writes long posts.
He wishes for your happiness.

Black is his color.
Moon is his symbol.
Love is his essence.

He is Lezard, a mad lover.
He is Caius, a masked philanthropist.
He is Bren, a melancholic dreamer.

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November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
April 2010
May 2010



Insane Nerd
Angel Tolosa, my daughter, for choosing this blog for me.

As if the title made any sense.

Of course. It didn't.

But this is about Paradigm Shift.

The end of the year is approaching, so a reflection is in order.

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"There is nothing wrong with me. I am just unique."
I am not a cool guy girls craze about.
I am not a sportsman, nor a musicman.
I do not have the best physical assets.
I do not have the best social skills.

But so what?

If all men are created equal, then the world would be a boring place to discover and rediscover humanity.

I am different. I am unique.
I may not be able to fully define who I am now.
But my eyes are set towards discovering my latent potentials...soon.
My heart is slowly learning to love myself.

I am one of a kind. I have something that no other man is capable of.
The realization of this premise lies in my own hands.
This is the first paradigm shift.
Self Pity => Self Love.

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"Melancholia is a part of my personality. But it shouldn't be a burden I have to carry."
Melancholia is one of the temperaments.
A widely accepted personality classification.
It is not meant to be a degrading attitude to oneself.

Pessimism.
Fatalism.
They are just another way to look into things.
Another perspective.
Another set of life values.

It shouldn't be a burden.
It shouldn't put one in grave depression.

I am unique. I am different.
I am melancholic.
This is the second paradigm shift.
Positive Melancholy.

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"Love will come when the time is right. Do not force yourself into it."
Three flowers have I encountered.
All of them left a scar.
All of them made me shed a tear.
All of them gave me strength.
All of them taught me show wonderful love is.

I should not feel down on those memories.
Not one of them is a mistake.
Loving each of them were the greatest decision I have done in my life.

All of them are on their own way to find their happiness.
Much the same as I am.
I just happened to be not the person they needed to bring the happiness they wanted.

Love will come when the time is right. I just know it.
Shutting my heart won't do me any good than bring be despair.
Leaving my heart open with hopes should do me wonders.
This is the third paradigm shift.
I will sit down, and wait patiently for it...with open heart.

2 Comments Here


Bren: Hey!
Caius: ...what?
Bren: You're here. How nice.
Caius: Of course, this is my-
Bren: -OUR...
Caius: OUR blog, alright. So, what`s the big deal?
Bren: No, nothing really...I'm just wondering...
Caius: Wondering...what?
Bren: Those two...I haven't seen them lately here.
Caius: Oh, now that you mention it...but hey, weren't you chatting with Angel just a few hours ago?
Bren: Well, yeah, we've been keeping touch in YM and FB, but still, i kind of feel incomplete without seeing her drop by here.
Caius: Not only that, she's not updating her blog either.
Bren: Oh yeah...stopped at 4 days to go countdown...LOL
Caius: I was expecting her to write something for Christmas. Seems like she's loaded with busy stuff.
Bren: ...or perhaps she's just plain lazy.
Caius: LOL
Bren: Yeah. LOL
Caius: But I do hope she updates soon. I miss reading her blog.
Bren: Woah...interested in girly stuff lately?
Caius: You're not in any position to say that to my face, freak.
Bren: Hey, chill...I'm just kidding. We both know we love girly stuff.
Caius: I prefer not to call it "girly" though.
Bren: Yeah yeah whatever...
Caius: Those kind of stuff gives us a clue to what girls think. Those should be valuable clues to how their minds work.
Bren: Oh please, you're getting talky again.
Caius: Once again, you're not in any-
Bren: -positon to say that to your face. Got it, captain.
Caius: *sigh*
Bren: Oh? What's with that big breath?
Caius: Well...I was actually thinking of "her"...
Bren: ...
Caius: She left comments on our recent posts. I guess she still visits this place.
Bren: Yeah...but...
Caius: She's not updating her blog too. Its been a week or so already.
Bren: Well, at least she gets to read our posts, right? It shouldn't make you feel bad.
Caius: You don't understand...
Bren: Hm?
Caius: The blog idea...its actually meant for us to check on how people are doing, especially on times when communication isn't possible.
Bren: Yeah...haha...I still remember how everything started...
Caius: Yes. The countdown thing...which she eventually dropped.
Bren: Because she finally moved on!
Caius: ...and found a new love.
Bren: ...
Caius: ...
Bren: Errr, why are we so quiet? LOL
Caius: You and I...we're both thinking of the same thing this time, right?
Bren: I wonder how she's doing with that guy.
Caius: I wonder if everything is going great between them.
Bren: I wonder how happy the two of them last Christmas.
Caius: I wonder what will happen if we will still wait.
Bren: huh?
Caius: ...
Bren: So...we can't move on easily...
Caius: Even though that should be the one we are working on right now, I find it difficult.
Bren: I can't blame you. That woman changed our lives forever.
Caius: Kinda sound odd hearing it that way, but yeah, she did brought a lot of difference to our damned life.
Bren: It was a nice experience, isn't it...? Everything that we did with her...
Caius: Those morning text messages. Yes...for 4 years, the only thing I ever see in my cellphone every morning was the calendar and the clock.
Bren: Yeah, I really really miss exchanging text messages with her. It feels refreshing.
Caius: Coincidentally, things ended on the 1st of November.
Bren: May the cellphone rest in peace.
Caius: LOL
Bren: LOL, but really, I'm itching to know how well she's doing.
Caius: We spoke with her...some night ago, right?
Bren: She's in a party at that time. We barely spoke about anything.
Caius: I actually want to have a word with her...checking her out or something...
Bren: We both want to do that...
Caius: Yes, even though we both know the answer...
Bren: Do we?
Caius: The other reader of this blog keeps on telling us she's fine.
Bren: Haha, we're weird...don't we...?
Caius: We still dig for answers to questions that are already answered.
Bren: ...because we want reassurance.
Caius: Yes. I want to be sure that she's 100% ok.
Bren: Because if she isn't...this "moving on" campaign we're doing is pointless.
Caius: Not exactly pointless. Remember, we need time to revamp ourselves too.
Bren: C'mon dude...you and I both know that if that guy didn't-
Caius: Please stop.
Bren: ...
Caius: ...I'm sorry. I guess I was too hard on you.
Bren: nah...we just need to be honest to ourselves.
Caius: I still love her.
Bren: I still want to love her.
Caius: Time and fate...is messing on us again.
Bren: It can't be helped. Its the plan of that Guy over there *points to sky*
Caius: Yeah...but I wonder where all of these lead to. I certainly don't want to lose her.
Bren: Losing her...might not be something we can stop. But the least I want to do is to reassure her that we will always be here...waiting for her...
Caius: So we're doing it again huh?
Bren: the same thing we did with Ichi-Ai and Ni-Ai?
Caius: WTF. Your nickies couldn't get any cheesier.
Bren: Haha, but no, seriously...are you up for it?
Caius: We'll see. You know how I am as a fatalist.
Bren: Destiny huh...? Will it work for us this time?
Caius: I hope so...
Bren: Its quarter to 10. She's actually online in ym now.
Caius: But she has the busy icon on...so I guess we can't talk to her.
Bren: We'll just stay on standby then.
Caius: Yeah...I dont care if she's with someone now. Let's do what we can to support her.
Bren: That's my man! LOL
Caius: We've been extremely talky this time...
Bren: Yeah...and we've only talked with each other for a few...lines. LOL
Caius: Anyway, I had fun. Let's do this again some other time.
Bren: Sure. As long as we are in this computer, there will always be time for us to do it.
Caius: Yeah thanks...
Bren: *tink*tonk*tink* Publising Post~ *tink*tonk*tink*

3 Comments Here


I was walking down the 2nd Floor of CLA building when I came across this article posted in the bulletin board of the Behavioral Sciences Department. It caught my attention, since I, myself, is even wondering about my condition at that time...

An interesting list of famous people...most of them we thought we know well...who suffered mental illnesses in their time.

(1) Isaac Newton
= a famous mathematician who made a lot of contribution in physics, particularly in astronomy (gravitation and centrifugal force)
= suffered from several `nervous breakdowns` and is diagnosed to have Bipolar Disorder

(2) Ludwig Van Beethoven
= a genius composer whose compositions broke the mold for classical music forever
= had bipolar disorder and `manic` episodes, both of which fueled his creativity in creating music

(3) Abraham Lincoln
= the 16th President of the United States who reigned the country during the times of tumultous internal conflicts
= suffered from occasional suicidal depressions...``a tendency to melancholy``, as he dubbed it in one of his letters

(4) Vincent Van Gogh
= a renowned painter and artist known for his magnificent masterpieces such as the 12 sunflowers
= labeled as having a paculiar personality with unstable moods, and said to have suffered epileptic seizures from taking too much absinthe, a liquor said to inspire artists

(5) Winston Churchill
= Prime Minister of Great Britain and one of the `Big Three` who joined forces to bring an end to Hitler`s reign in World War 2
= suffered from `black dog`: Churchill`s term for severe and serious depression

(6) Virginia Woolf
= a famous British novelist
= she wrote to make sense out of her mental chaos and gain control of madness; both giving her recognition for her creative insight into human nature

(7) Linda Hamilton
= an actress, famous for her part in Arnold Schwarzenegger`s movie `The Terminator`
= opened to the public her diagnosis of bipolar disorder at a young age

(8) Judy Collins
= a singer and songwriter whose son died of suicide in 1993
= the experience led her to write a book entitled `Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength``, chronicling her own journey to overcome depression over the loss of a loved one

(9) William Styron
= an author, and one of the first people who wrote about other persons who sturggled with mental illness
= he wrote the book, `Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness`, where he wrote about his own depression and his decision to seek help

(10) Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison
= professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, MD and author of many books on mental illness
= she, herself, suffered from bipolar disorder and even attempted suicide

(11) John Nash
= A Nobel Prize winner in mathematics, whose ghosts was said to hunt the Fine Hall of Princeton University as he wrote his mathematical equations on the boards of classrooms
= he was said to had faced a lifelong battle with schizophrenia

(12) Lionel Aldridge
= a football player for the Green Bay Packers during the 1960`s
= he developed paranoid schizophrenia when he was homeless for 2 1/2 years...something that inspired him to start his battle against the illness as he speaks to groups to help them better understand mental illness

(13) Eugene O`Neill
= a famous playwright, and the only American playwright to have received the Nobel Prize award for Literature
= he came from a deeply trouble family background, suffering from clinical depression the greater portion of his life


There`s actually a lot more, but I wont be bothered to write them anymore.

These people lived their lives with the best that they have, despite their mental illnesses. All of them are great names in their own right, but what makes them more worthy of respect is that they all made a difference by showing the world that mentally-afflicted people still have the ability to dream, and reach for it.

I want to become a psychologist because I myself have a battle to fight - a battle to find the mysteries of my dark, melancholic and anxious self, and what would I do in order to help myself from it.

Whether I will become famous in my endeavor is something that I cannot be sure of, but one thing is for sure...I, too, will make a difference.

I just know it.

3 Comments Here


I intentionally skipped over Christmas 2. The reason? SECRET. :p

Its just a matter of hours before Christmas. Its awfully quiet in my place...but thats not surprising, since its always been quiet, even before.

This will be the last of my series of Christmas N blog posts. For those who have been following my blog (and took the patience to read my ultra-talky posts), thank you very much. You guys are one of the reasons why I continue posting in here.

I believe I havent spoken anything yet about my...

``Ultimate Christmas Wish``

so lets make it the title of this blog post. n_n

I remember the times when I was still a kid...

`Ang gusto ko sa pasko, PS1`
`A new beyblade!`
`Structure deck: Machine Revolt! YEAH`
`I wanna have a Blastoise!`

It actually feels funny just thinking how I wished hard for these gifts to be given to me, and yet, these gifts dont matter much to me now (except perhaps SD: Machine Revolt, which still has a place on my card collection).

It was in Fourth Year High School when I first had a serious wish.

We were made to write an essay on what to wish for that coming christmas on our CLE class. Most of my classmates saw it as an obsolete and childish activity, but since I was emotional during those times, I used it as an outlet to express my deepest feelings...my deepest yearnings...

`I wish for myself to be a special person for someone...`

It was a vague, yet honest wish.

I felt lost during those times. I cannot seem to associate myself to people, even to the ones who are in my immediate environment. I was incapable of doing extraordinary things - I`m not capable of giving inspiration to other people, I couldnt be relied on with things that really matters, I couldnt save people in times of trouble...and most of all, I couldnt be a person whom someone would yearn for...someone to be loved...

This was my wish 3 years ago...and it remained so, even until now.

The reason why I always think that I am bound in darkness is that I cannot find a significance in my existence.

Alot of questions remain unanswered...

Have I become a good brother to my sister?
Have I become a good son to my parents?
Have I become a good friend to my friends?

Am I not enough for the person I love?

There are many more, really, but I wont bother listing them all here.

Because when I think of it now, I see it as a part of my life.

Yes.

I made it a dream. A mission.

Somewhere in my heart, I know that this is something that I really want to do.

`I want to be a special person for someone`

I will do my best to be the most reliable brother and son to my family.

I will do my best to be the most caring and supportive friend to my friends.

And I will do my best to be the man a woman would love and be proud of.

God granted my wish, already...though not in the form of the gift that I imagined it to be.

It was through a light of inspiration...

An inspiration that drives me to be the best person that I can be.

Once I reached that which I would consider as the zenith of my dream for myself, I could be anything I want myself to be.

`A special person for someone`

This is indeed one of the most memorable Christmas ever...

So many things have happened before it.

So many people entered my life and brought a difference (yes, I`m thinking of you)

And so many realizations and lessons that changed my life forever.

May better things come from here on.

Merry Christmas, everyone! n_n

2 Comments Here


I missed the damn Christmas 4 countdown post. Damn high blood pressure.

Anyway, I cant believe how time flies so fast. 3 days to go before christmas...and we`re still taking these damn prelim exams. Its actually very tiring on my part, but I`m glad it`ll be over tommorow.

I`m actually writing this one up at an unholy hour (11:xx pm), and honestly I dont know of any better things to write for this countdown post.

*thinks*

``I Wonder How They`re Doing``

Christmas season 2007.

It was the last Christmas that I spent with my first love. I couldnt recall any of it, to be honest...perhaps there really wasnt any special on that event.

...or perhaps because it is a memory that I, somehow, want to be forgotten.

I left UP without saying a word to her. I didnt know that that Christmas party would be the last Christmas gathering that I would enjoy with her. Sadly, during those times, we werent in good terms. My decision of pursuing her for the 5th time eventually made her upset and annoyed with me. The only thing that was left with us was our friendship...but then, I ended up losing it too, the moment I joined the fraternity.

It was sad...really...that after two years I still couldnt reconnect with her. Anyway, I know she`s happy right now, so I guess Ill just wish her a happy christmas...from afar. n_n

Christmas season 2008.

December opened with a wish for a new love.

Yes, it was actually the first week of December when I proposed my feelings to my second love. I still remember that letter I gave to her, written in a scented paper and with a blueberry-colored ink (how gay).

That didnt do the job for me though, but at least, she offered her hand for friendship.

Despite this second `failure of proposal`, I remained hopeful with my feelings towards her. I decided to stay and try for some more time...perhaps things would change that way...

Its been a year. While I still consider her special, I decided to let go of her, after having realized how our situations would end us up in the most complicated of things.

We`re still keeping in touch...as dear friends. I know she`s happy right now, considering how well her business is doing. n_n

Christmas season 2009.

NOTEMONOTEMONOTEMO

Probably one of the most depressing Christmas season in my life.

But it is a season that is most fulfilling, in that, I am managing (barely, though) to survive every challenge that God is giving me (as gifts? I dunno. LOL).

I have a series of pains now, to be honest, but the more I think about these sufferings that I experience, the more I wanted to live, especially for the people who believe me.

And my third love...took part as the biggest influence for me to realize this.

It may have been just like a fleeting dream, but those were the happiest and most inspiring of memories. It was the first time that a person showed me such kindness and offered me such friendship. She taught me alot of things - probably one of the most noteworthy is how I should work towards making myself a better person.

I know she`s having one of the sweetest christmas seasons of her life. I am more than happy for her, now that everything is going fine with her. I sure hope we get to speak with each other soon. n_n

I wonder what will happen this Christmas?

I wonder how things will be next Christmas?

A new love? Zero love? Many love (because I`ll turn into a womanizer?)?

Only with time can I find the answer.

Merry Christmas.

2 Comments Here


Christmas 5 will be a little emo of an entry.

Yeah, its inevitable. The existence of Bren Lisondra is always associated with the term emo. So yes, my dear readers, bear with me because there will be more emo posts in the future.

But bear in mind...emo does not necessarily mean negative or sad stuff. Consider it as another perspective...another way of looking at things...

Christmas 5: Five Important Lessons I Learned this Year

Lesson 1: Weaknesses are revealed for you to learn to love yourself better.
This year was indeed exceptional, for it is in this year that I learned much about myself, especially my weaknesses, more than ever. I wont list them all here...it would probably take you a whole day to read, but if there`s one or two things that I would like to share, that would be my most recently discovered weaknesses: manic melancholia and hydrophobia. I have already told you guys about these in my previous posts so I guess there`s no need to talk about these any further. Discovering these weaknesses opened my eyes to one truth: I, of all people, am the one, and the only one, who can take care of myself. There are things that need to be overcome, but at the same time, there are also things that must be accepted, no matter how frustrating they can get. Its part of loving who you are, helping yourself to be a better person, and seeing yourself as a blessed child of God despite your shortcomings.

Lesson 2: God will never leave you in absolute isolation.
Destiny (or God`s notebook, as I believe it as) really works in the most fascinating ways. The flow of time and fate allows you to meet people, leave people, and stay with people...whether its your choice or not. For most of the time, I usually thought that I was alone...that no one cared to understand or even bother to attend to me. That was until I met some good people who stayed with me in times of troubles, who laughed and appreciated even the weirdest and corniest of my antics, and, better yet, who bothered to even talk to me despite me being different. God never placed me in a situation where I would be alone. My eyes were close back then...but now, I know better of it.

Lesson 3: Do not feel bad about wishes that are not granted. There`s always a time for everything.
I don't intend to make this one appear like a dreaded `I love you but you never loved me back` kind of message, but just for the sake of reflecting this particular lesson, yeah, I had another heartbreak this year. Then again, I saw that coming before it even shattered my heart to pieces...that heartbreak would be an inevitable climax-conclusion to my fleeting love story. After suffering a series of consecutive failures, I came to a conclusion: Its probably not yet the time for me to be in love. No, this isn't trauma...this is realization, and somehow, I find connection between this and Lesson 1. Before loving someone, I guess I better need to understand and love myself first. From that, I would become a better person, probably more worthy for someone whom I can share sweet memories with. There`s always a time for everything...and for this time, I`m going to concentrate on myself, probably until better things start coming.
(Edit: Oh, no, don't worry. My heart is recovering soundly and gracefully. Its the least my heart can do to show how happy I am for that person I loved. n_n)

Lesson 4: God knows your story. Believe in Him, because He knows everything.
Did I mention that this year was a little bit more problematic than the previous years I had. Well, probably not as `epic-problematic` compared to the financial crisis we suffered from last year, but there were a lot of problems. Among them was the discrepancy that occurred with Dad`s visa, causing him to be jobless for 6 months...that sounded kind of similar to what we had last year. Despite all these, we still find the reason and the ability to smile and be happy. Everything returned back to normal: my dad is back with his job in Angola, my mom`s emo episodes (yes, my mom can be emo sometimes too) finally stopped, and me and my sister became much more dedicated to our studies, having realized how valuable education is to my family. Problems are added to our life to spice up things: to challenge us and bring about a change in our insights towards life. God sure knows everything about our lives. All we need to do is to trust him.

Lesson 5: Its unique to be a dreamer and a fatalist, but don't loosen your grip on reality!
My white side is a dreamer - a man who sets high standards with the world he lives in. My black side is a fatalist - a man who accepts all things as mandated by the whims of destiny. Both my white and my black selves tend to differentiate themselves from reality, in that they depict and interpret the truths and ideas differently than what they actually are. An important lesson that I learned this year...I must maintain the humanist...the realist in me, to maintain a grip on the things that happen around me. We need to see and accept things as they are. Too much idealism would only bring frustration. Too much fatalism would dampen one's drives and potentials. My eye for reality is now fully open. This is a new journey.

Another frickin talky post...so wordy that my blog buddies might not bother to read. But as I always say in almost each and every post, all things that I write are rooted deeply from my endless sea of emotions and ideas. A window to my self, in some way.

Have you learned some valuable lessons this year too? n_n

Merry Christmas.

2 Comments Here


Dun dun dun!

For our Christmas 6 Special Post, I am going to give AWARDS to exceptional people who made my life special this year. If you`re on the list, be fucking grateful and leave a cookie. n_n

OUTSTANDING ONLINE CHATMATE AWARD ----> Mary Angeli Louise Tolosa
We`ve just met recently, but since then, we`ve been great online buddies. She has alot of interesting stories to tell, has loads of extremely amusing (and equally terrifying) expressions and jokes, and even has a blog which she is `forcing` me to comment on (jk. LOL.). She`s a cool friend to confide on as well. Whatta girl...heh...nothing more could be expected from my daughter, huh? So yeah, this award goes to you. n_n

MOST LOYAL (CONNECTED) FRIEND AWARD ----> Bien Joven Saquilayan
We`ve been classmates in Elementary, and even though he transferred to another school for the succeeding years, we still remained connected, thanks to Digital Monsters and children`s card games! We are both studying at Dela Salle University now, and with his recent invitation for me to join the Parish Renewal Experience, we`re sure to spend more buddy time together in the future. Dude, you`re the best. In behalf of all the monsters in the Digital World, I grant this award to you. LOL

THE COOLEST SITE AWARD ----> Japinoy Forums
Its been a year and a few months since I registered on that site. I`ve been through alot of experiences in that place...Kyoko-fanboying, YGO card reviewing (and dueling with siyata-kun), leadership stint for the IGA clan in the Conquest game, and meeting cool and interesting people (one of them even became a love interest). If there is one site I can honestly call my `Cyber Home` that would be Japinoy. All thanks to the admins who created the site, and the colorful people who made my stay a wonderful experience to remember.

UNWAVERING FAITH AWARD ----> Nestor and Jean Lisondra
It may have been `just 6 months`, but I, among other people, knew full well how much you sacrificed and waited for our life to return to normal. The past few months reminded us of the Dark Days we had last year, and thankfully, this experience did not rob us of our hope. You guys inspired me...to continue hoping for better things to come, and to keep holding tight on our faith to Him. We deserve every bit of happiness we are having now. Lets keep believing, Mom, Dad. n_n

SWEETEST SMILE AWARD ----> Einnor Assiren Breva, Manilyn Madrid, Mary Catherine Louise Ermita
The Sweetest Smile award will always go to the women who changed my life. Yes, if there`s one thing common in all of them, its all their smiles...its where everything always begins...and ends. I dont want to sound cocky, but it has become my standard for finding a nice girl to admire. I`m glad that these girls are really happy now...Einnor is having a good time in her dance group and dentistry lab works, Lyn`s business is going great so far, especially this season, and Myca has just recovered and found a new love to be happy with. I can`t get any happier for these girls. So yeah, the SWEETEST SMILE AWARD will all go to the deserving YOU. n_n

THE VARIABLE GUY AWARD ----> Bren Lisondra
I wont let this awarding end without me receiving anything! DARN IT! Anyway, yeah, the award, celebrating the most significant change in life, will be given to me. Yeah, this year has been a year of an almost total transformation, releasing me from the chains of mediocrity, anxiety, and excessive idealism, and forming in me a new persona full of hope, confidence, and courage to face tommorow. The changing process is still on-going, but at least, alot of changes already manifested in me. Things will be a little different now, in that I am now focusing on what best would be done to make myself a better and deserving person, for the people who have me, and for the people whom I am still yet to meet in the future. This is probably God`s year-long gift to me, and so, I`m going to make use of this gift in the wisest way that I can. n_n

To all the people who became part of my life and did not receive an award, dont worry, you`ll all receive the I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH AWARD. I mean c`mon...you guys are too many to mention...give me a break! LOL. n_n

To all the awardees, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I sure hope you guys still continue to be with me! n_n

Merry Christmas.

3 Comments Here


Okay, my blog buddies have been all but gifts and dedications. How awfully sweet. It makes me want to go with the trend. n_n

I will be talky here. You have been warned.

Mom and Dad: it feels so good to be back to normal, eh? Waiting patiently and trusting the Lord really pays off. It has been what, 6 months, since we felt confident and worry-free like this. God sure loves us to give us this much challenges. I`m glad things are going fine now. Ok, we did found out some flaws in our lifestyle, so now that better days are coming, lets think of more productive ways to improve our living. I`m more than willing to cooperate. Oh yeah, I sure hope our high-blood sickness wont spoil this season. I will always be praying for our healthy and prosperous living.

Bianca: that Nico boy is haute! HAUTE COUTURE! Anyway, its been a while since you last fell in love like this. I sure hope this guy wont give you the same trouble as the last one...wait, what about the `other` guy? Oh, nevermind...you know better how to deal with these things. Im putting my complete trust in you. But if things would be messed up, just tell me whose ass am I going to bash. Even though you dont really need a bro, I`ll still be here to support you. K? because IKR. n_n

Virjohn and Charmaine: thank you for keeping up with me these past months. you guys are the only ones I consider `close friends` in Lasalle, and I`m glad that I found some really good company with you. Now then, I just hope you guys wont mess up. I mean, even until now, I still cant figure out if you guys are in a relationship. We better find a new female member of the group to make things balanced! LOL. Lets continue celebrating this friendship. Thank you for not leaving me alone.

My daughter Angel: If you`re reading this, then that means you are not grounded...in the meantime. LOL. Anyway, you have been supportive of me these past few days as well. You`re one of the few online people who actually bothered to give me a word almost everyday, and that I really appreciate. I know you`re missing your `dear boyfriend`, but please, hang on a little longer. I will continue to be an intermediary in the meanwhile to help you guys be connected. You`re one cheerful, sweet, and cool girl, so yeah, keep those up with you. Best wishes, my daughter. (Ok, you`re grounded again. turn off the laptop now)

Lyn: haha, Im still surprised that even after we spoke of our feelings, no matter how sad and hurtful it could be, we still managed to smile at each other as sweetly as ever. yeah, its thanks to you that even for the shortest of chances, I`m able to show a person how much she`s special. I did not regret any of those, despite the fact that you can only give friendship back, and not the love that I sought for. Things have changed now, but our friendship (and my loyalty to your business) will never falther. Stay beautiful, okay? And maybe find a good boyfriend too? n_n
(Phantasy Star Portable 2 Jap version is out now. PLEASE FIND IT FOR ME)

Myca: For a moment back then, I thought I wont be hearing from you again. I know you have your reasons for not talking to me for a long time, but even so, I want you to know that I am happy for you (ok, I think I already said it in more than one post, but I will still keep on saying it). Thank you for giving me the gift of friendship. Meeting and spending time with you are perhaps two of the most wonderful things that happened to me this year. Ive learned alot from you, and now that we`re finally back in with our pieces fixed, I sure hope that everything will go as we wished. And yes, I will wait patiently for the time when we will talk again like we used to...`continuing from where we began` as you said. n_n Congratulations on your new-found (newly-recovered?) love. You deserve every bit of happiness that`s in your life now.

Caius: call me crazy or whatever, but I`m talking to you this time. Christmas, eh? I bet you`re dreaming again on what to wish for this season. Well, I cant blame you, we`re both dreamers by nature. This year`s been an odd salad of events...and I bet we`ve come to a better resolution for the upcoming days right? We`ll both try to be more realistic now. Its about time we open our eyes to things that are just around us...waiting for us to be appreciated. Life is indeed full of mysteries...fate sure has its way of getting things done...God knows how to play His cards pretty well. Yes, lets focus on ourselves from now on. Lets study hard, discover the world, socialize with people, experiment with things. Its time for us to gain a few more levels...by then, the things we are wishing for will eventually be given to us. I just know it. n_n

Christmas 7.
And this isnt the end.

Merry Christmas.

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This world is indeed funny.

And funny things happen to be the weakness of a dreamer like me.

So many things have happened in the past few days. So many downs, really, but I guess things are getting alright now.

For a while, I stopped dreaming.

Ive come to realize that it is much easier to move on with my life if I would embrace reality.

These past few days brought some shocking and unexpected turns of events. I have to admit that I almost fell into the darkness once again, if not for the realization that going back will just make the whole thing appear like a pointless little lie. It isnt. And I dont want to think of it that way.

Ok, I`m gonna be blunt here.

I`m not bothered by the fact that my feelings werent returned.
I was bothered more by the idea of losing a friend.

I was quite relieved that the silence between us was not that of cold and hateful feeling...more like I have to wait for a chance when we can talk again like we used to.

That much I understand well. The process made me realize how much I have to be grateful that she`s doing well right now. That guy`s extremely lucky...really, he has a gem in his hands right now. I hope this will be a good beginning for the two of them, especially her...after all she`s been through...

Challenges continued to rain on my life.

I visited the psychiatrist this tuesday.

Its official. Hydrophobia it is.
I was thankful there are people who finally understood what I REALLY feel. Even my parents are doubtful of my condition, but after getting a checkup, they finally managed to accept it. Even the professors are very accomodating.

As for me, its both a good and a bad thing.

Good thing: no more swimming nightmares.
Bad thing: another battle lost = frustration

I guess this is one of the things I have to move on for. Its a matter of acceptance. I mean, I have been diagnosed of manic depression too, due to my extremely melancholic behavior and way of thinking. An added frustration will definitely hurt, but only I can help myself from it.

Ok, I dont want this post to look like another emo post again. n_n

Im just glad im still alive to see things go as they are.

Sadness yields happiness when memories are cherished.
Failures becomes success when capabilities are accepted.

I know better who I am now.

God really knows how to play the cards.

I`ll stop dreaming for a while.

I guess its time for me to focus more on my real self, rather than keep on dreaming what I can be.

Heck, it might be time for me to put the romantic dreaming stuff on a hiatus too. I gotta make myself hot first (hot like Taylor Lautner) then go bait myself in a pool of beautiful fishes.

Just kidding. n_n

But really.

Its yet another time for me...

...to bring about a significant change in my life.

Things will be a little different from now on.

Thank you.

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Once upon a time, there was a young man, walking down a path of darkness...

He strolls the road without a mind for his direction...

He is lost...

He is lonely...

He seemed as if he doesnt know himself, but in truth, he`s mind appeared like a crumpled paper of memories...messed up by fate and sadness...

Each and every step he makes seemed like a drag in a rough road.

He walks alone.

And yet, he dreams.

The young man is a dreamer. A wishful dreamer who walks a pitch black-loomed path in search of light. A dreamer who has his eyes opened, and yet, he sees nothing but himself in despair.

He continues to walk...alone...

...when all of a sudden, from the skies a flower was dropped before him.

It was a beautiful flower...none of which has he ever seen before...

There was elegance in its overlapping petals of white...it has a fragrance so sweet it could bring to the frowner even a slightest of an honest smile...it carries with its whole being a refreshing ambience that sooths the lonely heart...

...and within its pristine form, a warm light came flickering...a light that only the moon in its kindest radiance could give off...

``I shall call you, the Moonlight Rose.`` the young man whispered, delighted by the sight of such beauty before his hands.

The beauty that was the Moonlight Rose gave him hope and happiness.

It appeared as a faint light in the shadows where he stands, but sure enough, the young man, delighted and wishful, continued to walk down his path...

Little by little, as he took little steps from where he stood, the shadows around him slowly creeps away...slowly vanishing...

The moonlight rose lighted up a path before the young man.

He was showed into the most wonderful of things...

A path laden with all the colors of this world...

...beautiful words crafted with wit came flying from all directions, and came with them are the sweetest melodies than endeared the heart of a loner...

...sweetest it is for the young man, although to another it may just sound ordinary.

The path the young man walks was never the same again.

The frown eventually was replaced by a smile...

The then-confused mind regained its form...

The self of the dreamer became filled with hope and confidence...

The eyes that could not see anything, now looking forward to a bright tommorow...

The heart that was once filled with despair...now filled with love...

Yes. Love.

The curious mind of the dreamer wonders.

``Why have you come?``

``It is because I chose to come``, whispered the rose in its faint glimmer.

``Then why does your light seemed enervated?``, the young man asked, finding the light to be a little faint, despite its warmth.

``It is because I was astrayed from the moon`s light.``

The young man understood the flower`s words. The light, though warm and wishful, felt pain too. It didnt take the best of the minds for the dreamer to realize...for he, too, was in pain, until the rose came...

He decided, at that very moment, that he, too, would try to bring light to the rose of his life.

He listened to every whisper the rose spoke...

He waited earnestly for the rose to settle, after dancing with the whiffs of the wind...

He reached out his hands to the delicate frame of the flower...offering comfort...

He offered the sweetest and the most sincere of his heart...all in the effort of bringing light to a special flower that was the Moonlight rose...

The Moonlight rose...

The flower who made him feel important and special, if only for a while...

Only love and affection could he give back...

Time passes without their knowing.

The young dreamer was weak and frowning no more.

A smile lining his face every day.

The flower, with time, finding strength and comfort...

...eventually lighting up more brightly than before...

As for the reason of whether it is the dreamer who gave her that, no one would know.

Or perhaps, it was not him.

One serene night, the dreamer witnessed a spectacle.

The moonlight rose, silently in a corner, smiling...

...a moon beam radiating upon her form.

Beauty and joy could be reflected from its delicate white petals.

Its stem and its leaves gracefully moving with the lively air around her.

The light shone more celestially, as if it has already found what it is that was lost.

The young dreamer witnessed the flower in its most endearing demeanor.

``I shall return now``, the rose said, with the sweetest smile on her face.

He couldnt put up any words.

His being was in vain.

He wished the Moonlight rose to stay.

And now, the very rose he cherished decides to part.

``I have healed, so now I shall return.``

He remained silent. Tears began to fall from his cheeks.

Memories started to be recalled.

From the darkness that was once the path the young man walks, until the rose appeared out of nowhere...

All the sound chats they shared...

All the laughter that relieved sorrow...

All the lessons that straightened the errors...

All the colors that were revealed.

All the words that the heart spoke out.

The dreamer closed his eyes. ``I love you``, he said from the bottom of his heart, and with trembling lips that spoke of both fear and appreciation.

The dreamer opened his eyes. The Moonlight rose was nowhere to be found.

The flower flew its way back to the light of the moon that she yearns for. The light of her happiness.

It was then that the young man realized...his surroundings did not return to the darkness that it once where.

Despite being left, he didnt feel any despair. Yes, he was sad by the loss, but never the sadness that haunted his being.

He didnt return to the darkness. He will not return to the darkness.

The moonlight rose has left him something very valuable...something that he will forever cherish in his heart.

The light stayed with him. An inspiration. A guide. A hope. A reason to be happy.

He will forever carry it with him, the light will become part of him.

A wish was made by this dreamer`s heart:

``Find your happiness as I have found strength in you. Continue shining, and bring happiness and hope to those around you. He who carries you is indeed lucky to have such a flower of endearing grace and wisdom. No harm must be done to you again. Continue shining. In love you shine the most. May you never forget me, as I shall never forget you...

...and whenever the moon casts out its radiance on a silent night, I shall remember everything that you`ve done for me. I shall forever cherish those memories.``

Life goes on for the man who continues to dream.

A fleeting memory, but an exalting memory, nonetheless.

This is the story of a flower who changed the dreamer`s life forever.

The story of the Moonlight Rose.

-------------------------------------------------------------

To my professor:

I am not sure when will you have the time to visit my blog again. I am sure you are having the time of your life now, and you deserve every bit of enjoyment and challenge that are coming your way.

I have read your post. Although I am having mixed thoughts, I feel in myself that I should be more than happy for what you are having right now. You have finally moved on, and now, you found another love. I am happy for you, and I wish you the best of luck.

This story is dedicated for you...it is my way of retelling how much you changed my life ever since you came. You are the only person who spoke `those` words to me, and for that I am thankful. Perhaps I am partially sad that I wasnt able to be the person to give you the happiness you seek, but then again, nothing will change. I will still be a friend for you to lean on, even if you have already alot of them around you.

So yeah...

I hope this will be the start of yet another happy chapter in your life.
Thank you for everything...I will never forget you...

25. Silver. Moon.

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To all the followers of my blog, I would like to start this post with an apology. I believe I already told you in my previous posts that I will try to sound a little less emo now...but then, I guess being emo is part of the melancholic program harcoded into my consciousness...and its something that I cannot rid myself off completely...

When you were just a child, have you experienced being given the sweetest candy in the world, only to be taken away from you just before you indulge in its sheer sweetness?

If you did, you must have cried alot. It probably was one of the most disappointing things that ever happened to you...

...having received such a wonderful gift...

...but then, it gets robbed off from your very hands all of a sudden...without even having a chance to enjoy it...even for just a little longer...

It happens to me all the time...perhaps since the time I realized that it does...

I can still remember my high school days...the days I spent pursuing a girl I thought to be the woman of my dreams.

Every single day, I always keep an eye for opportunities to speak to her, to be with her, to make her happy. Opportunities did come - I get to buy her some chocolate or a cup of ice cream, I get her to speak to me regarding her troubles, I get her to smile at me. For each and every time that I grabbed the chance and made a move, I was happy...fulfilled even.

Twenty four hours will pass by then, and before I could have a chance to cast a wish, those that I have done seemed to vanish like a forgetten memory. The next day, she would act withdrawn, almost as if all that happened the day before were insignificant and not worthy of any attention.

Each and every time it happens, I always ask the same question...``Why so fleeting? Why so fast? Why does it seem like a borrowed memory that was never supposed to stay?``

Time passed since then, and I still ask the same question. Yes. I have already moved on from that very girl, and yet, the thought that all the good things that will come will just be another swift blow of wind, still haunts me to this very day.

It always gives me a reason to fear the sweetest and most endearing memories that are about to come.

The confidence and courage I displayed in my swimming practice were just short-lived. I failed the first practical exam...and I wasnt able to catch up with my classmates, despite how `easy` the lesson was.

It might be just a single damn-and-pathetic reason, but for me, the thought somehow shakes my entire being.

Will I be able to do better in statistics after achieving the highest mark among my classmates?

Will my family`s condition eventually turn favorable after the news of the arrival of my dad`s visa?

Will issues concerning my heart finally take on better times after finding the person who finally saw me out of the darkness?

Will I finally be able to see true light after finding people who believed and accepted me as who I am?

I have but a simple wish...

I want to take hold of that candy for longer...

I want to taste it...to have it melt in my mouth...cherishing its sweetness as if its the most wonderful pleasure my tastebuds ever had...

Is it selfish of me to have such wish?

Trust me Lord...that whatever you give to me will always be appreciated at heart...not a single blessing taken for granted...

Trust me Lord...this is all I can ask for...

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It was just only recently that I realized...

1)...that I do not really suck at mathematics...
-I just can`t deal with its deeper, irrelevant concepts

2)...that I do not really look bad as I think I am...
-People are a better judge for that, I guess...

3)...that I`m not really an introvert by nature...
-Only an introvert by choice, and if given a cue, I can be as talkative as anyone

4)...that I am not really a kind person everyone thinks I am...
-I can be manipulative of other people`s shortcomings, and, when driven by intense emotions, I am also capable of hurting people behind their backs

5)...that I carry the sin of Envy with me...
-Always anxious, always dreaming, almost as if I am never contented with what I have

6)...that I am a woman-lover...
-Never thought that I would turn to into guy who always look out for cute girls...(certainly not a womanizer here)

7)...that reading has done more things to me that I actually imagined...
-Enriches vocabulary and enhances my daydreaming skills. I became more mindful of language technicalities and even became much more receptive to ideas.

8)...that it is difficult for me to relax...
-I can`t make myself calm down easily, and I am having some difficulty controlling the lower parts of my body due to unneccessary tension (probably lack of exercise here)

9)...that staying in front of the computer for too long has finally took its toll on me
-My eyes are getting worse...my socializing, while not getting worse, certainly isnt getting any better...

10)...that my current purpose is not really to find a better life...
-But to make myself better and be worthy of the life that God has prepared for me

-------------------

Ok, for the convenience of my...ehem...avid readers, I`m now practicing to cut my talky posts short. Haha, yeah, now that I think about it...my recent posts are really that freakin long. While everything that has been written all came from my deepest posts, I took it a challenge for me to try and make things more easily readable.

After all, psychological reports need to be precise and concise. Why not practice doing it in blogging? n_n

(PS: I miss another one of my readers. I hope she gets to join us again. Take care, you! n_n)

(re-editted. hopefully, there are no more mistakes this time. n_n)


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For all you curious people...

FACT: Bren spends 12 hours in front of the computer. Thats more than the time he spent on studying, eating, talking to people, going to the bathroom, exercsing, finding girls, and more other things to do.

How unhealthy.

So you might be wondering...``What in the name of Nifleheim is Bren doing while staying in the interwebs?``

Well, to answer that question...here they are...read it well, carefully...and maintain your composure. LOL

1. Japinoy.
Awesome site about Japan with lots of cool and random people. They almost have everything under the rising sun...anime, manga, celebs, dramas, songs, novels...virtually everything except porn (is that a sad thing?). What`s more, its a hangout kind of a place where people actually interact, get to know each other, and make friends with. Totally different from the stereotypical forum we encounter most of the time, where interpersonal relationships are next to nothing, and people actually play poker face. It is indeed a nice, comfy, interwebs home of a place! n_n

2. Youtube.
Probably one of the greatest human interwebs invention of all time. This has almost everything Japinoy has to offer, except this one covers the whole world! Pick anything from funny, scary, informative, cozy, or just plain stupid videos to watch. Almost all genres are covered...except for porn (is it unfortunate?). I especially love the LOLcats and the smosh videos, and recently, Ive been on the lookout for 2012-related videos too. If not for the humongous amounts of stupid and childish posters, this could have been a nice place to hang out.

3. Gamefaqs.
Its every hardcore gamers paradise. They have stuff on almost any video games you play...except porn games (which surprisingly exist). Find cheats to fuck your games up for fun, or go for walkthroughs to take your games to a serious level. They got some updates on upcoming games too, so this site also doubles as a news site for games. The posters here are a little bearable than youtube forumites, but still, alot of them are still too stupid for me to enjoy the boards. Oh well. n_n

4. Facebook.
The social networking site everyone`s talking about. Its 1000x better than Friendster (until it revamped into a Facebook-wannabe recently), because it provides enormous ways of connecting people. Send comments and greetings, post pictures, play games with people, find boyfriends/girlfriends...yeah...social networking has never been this awesome. Whether it has porn or anything explicit is something that I havent discovered yet...LOL. Oh yeah, Buddy Poke is the most awesome avatar-ish game to be added to a networking site. n_n

5. Yu-Gi-Oh.
Ah, the children`s card game made for adults! Many sites under this entry. Yu-Gi-Oh wiki offers me the latest news and comprehensive data for every card released. POJO`s Yu-Gi-Oh site provides duelist from around the world a place to talk about card strategies, deck-making ideas, and metagame essentials. Gamefaqs provides latest news on YGO video games. Youtube and Veoh has the episodes for the Anime (Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, and Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds). Thats alot...whew. Anyway, Yu-Gi-Oh is a fun game to get your brain cells working: it involves a good use of memory, analyzation, logical and mathematical skills, even fugging knowledge on statistics. Surprisingly, this game has been stereotyped as a children`s card game. There is not a single porn here, I assure you.

6. Reading.
Pretty vague eh? Yeah, I took interest into reading lately, but not so much to say that I didnt enjoy doing so before. If before, I only read stuff within my field of interest, now I engage myself into relevant reading (Psychology and Personality development) as well as in recreational reading as well (fanfiction, so far). I`m not into sexually explicit reading material though...that sort of stuff was never my thing. Oh yeah, manga reading is under this entry as well.

7. Blogging.
You`re on it right now. While I`m not an exceptionally good writer myself, I enjoy writing about many things...in fact, if I am to write everything that I have been thinking for a day, I might have already made a book. That`s how dreamy I am...and blogging serves as my outlet for all these crazy ideas. Of course, the fun doesnt end there. Having people to share what you write makes this a rewarding experience as well. A big hurray to my blog buddies out there!

I hope this post amused you even for a minute. Needless to say, Interwebs play a large part of my life. I am quite sure that staying for too much time is really unhealthy, both physically and emotionally, but this is where I get my gratification...my satisfaction...

...or perhaps until things outside gets a little nicer...like having a girlfriend or something...n_n

Just remember, kids: While in the webs, dont bother with porn. Its not good for kids...and its only for 18 year olds and above. n_n

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I was pretty confident with what Ive practiced last week. How come I ended up failing my first practical exam?

I say I have enough determination to take this class to the next level. But this time, its my health condition that went against me...

and sadly, thats not something I could control by myself.

I was placed in an awkward position in the line: I was among those who were lined in the 6ft.

It was hard to protest against my position...there`s like 30 something students in our class, and I wouldnt want to act like I`m someone special. Besides, I really thought that I`m going to make it, although I was having some second thoughts as to how exactly am I going to make it...

We were told to do the straight body gliding in combination with flutter kicks...and once we get to the line, we`re going to backfloat our way back to our initial position.

I was uncomfortable with the water...I found it too high for my desired `comfort` level, and that brought my `nervous` rating by another point.

I became much more uncomfortable when I started feeling something on my throat. This is level 2, and if I fail to make myself calmer, bad things will happen to me underwater (I ate spaghetti before the session).

I still went on to perform, despite what I am already feeling, but just as expected...

I failed.

When I reached the middle part of the water, my body suddenly froze. I couldnt move my muscles as I wish. It was too late when I realized that I am already running out of breath...tension within myself makes it hard for me to reach the surface. I almost drowned.

``Absent ka ba last time? Didnt we practice how to do the technique?` is what the professor semi-angrily told me after I was saved by my classmates. I couldnt give a proper answer...I was too busy catching up my breath while trying to suppress the painful jolt in my chest. I wasnt able to participate well in the remaining parts of the session because of it...

...as if thats the worst already. A few minutes after I was relieved from the class, I felt an extremely painful gush of blood up my head. I could have sworn I saw myself winced for a moment. After that, all that is left is an aching sensation up my head...and it stayed, even until now as I write this post.

I didnt know my body was this bad. Sometimes, its not enough that you have an optimistic attitude on things...there will come a time when certain limitations will still get in your way. According to my professor, what I felt was just anxiety affecting my total performance, and that its not life-threatening at all. I`m certainly not going to debate it with a swimming instructor, but then again, I know myself better than anyone else...or so I think...

Short post here. I`m disappointed and depressed over this failure. I can get over this feeling for a short time, but that wont make things easier...

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Strange...I felt as if I havent visited this blog of mine for a long time...while I only missed a day. I guess it is true that `For emos, time is frozen.` LOL

Anyway, I wont be talking about emo stuff today. In fact, I believe I`m having one of the happiest days in my life! I found alot of things to be happy for...and I am more than happy to share this wonderful feeling with you!

``Thank you, Bren...``
Those were the last sweet words that I received from a person who was once my love. Yeah...I couldnt help but be happy when I realized that all my efforts for courtship, though led me to failure, brought me a nice and kind friend to add in my list. I guess this is one of the magics of moving on...we talk with each other more comfortable now, we are now able to crack jokes and tease each other, and we are now able to be ourselves...without ever concerning ourselves as to what each of us think of the other. Haha, and I`m somehow glad that things didnt end up the way I feared...I didnt feel like I lost anything. I`m sure we`ll both find our happiness soon, and until then, I`ll stay as a friend for her.

``Stat and Swimming! Who`s your daddy?!``
My dad commended me for my progress in learning how to swim. I am now able to swim as far as 15m, as compared to -(insert stupid number here) before. In today`s statistics class, we werent able to have the test due to some of my classmates who attended a seminar instead. The idle time gave me an oppurtunity to learn statistics by heart...one by one...and I have to say this if only I would focus on this, passing is definitely not impossible. Yeah, these two subjects which I initially thought will ruin my second semester are now the subjects that I will embrace with courage and determination. Things wont be easy, but I will definitely try my best! No more negatives for you two!

``Finally! Its time we get back to business!``
...Ok, not exactly `business`, but good news for our household has finally arrived! Dad`s visa is now processed, and in just a matter of days, he will be able to fly back to Angola to work. We`ve waited for a good 6 months for this day to come...6 months of strict budget, 6 months of financial agony, 6 months of hotdogs and kariman for lunch (thats only for me). With Dad returning back to circulation, we can finally feel a little more comfortable with our financial dealings. Its still early to assume that everything from here on will be luxurious for us, but I do believe that with my dad back into the business, we`re sure to get things a little easier now, at least as far as money is concerned. Dad! Waiting patiently and faithfully really pays off, right? n_n

``Professor Happy Mushroom``
Yes, she is here once again in this post. Haha, forgive me if I cannot help but include her in almost all of my posts lately...its just that this special person has influenced my life by a lot. And when I say A LOT, I really mean it. Yeah, it goes without saying that when she entered my life, everything changed for the better. I`ve gained more confidence for myself, I became much more aware and careful of everything, I took my studies not only as subjects to get by, but lessons to learn by heart, I learned to appreciate many things that I closed my eyes against before, and most of all, I am able to grow more as a person who values true knowledge and wisdom above all else. Haha, its kinda feels funny, since I have only met this person once, and yet, this person has given me this much inspiration. Hopefully, sometime in the near future, I, too, will be able to give her as much happiness as I have right now. Yeah, sorry for sounding too dramatic again here, but this is all I can do for now...to thank you for everything you`ve brought me. You stay cool and happy, ne? n_n

A rather short post compared to my previous ones, but this sums up all what my heart is throbbing for right now. So the saying was true after all: ``there`s a rainbow always after the rain``. Lord God, thank you for not leaving me in the darkness for too long. From here on, I promise that I will always stand strong and faithful and find the purpose you have prepared for me. I wont take these people and these challenges for granted...and I will do my best to live the best life I could live for all of them.

YAY!!! Happiness! n_n

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