2010-04-14 @ 5:46 AM
Return from the Different Dimension
After leaving my blog in the decaying esopha*eherm....sarcophagus, I felt like writing again. Looks like my readers didn't really vanish, they just went on a temporary hiatus.
...and as if my life had any special updates. lol
Summer. I really thought it'd be the start of another non-social season, but my academics required me to take summer classes. I dunno exactly what to feel, to be honest.
You know that...when you're as restless as ever, but somewhere inside you, something just wants to take a break on all the non-significant, self-induced stress and problems.
Yeah. Everything ended at the end of the 2nd semester. Senseless dreaming. Procrastinating. Thinking of stuff I don't exactly need...or so I thought.
My visit to a fuckload of an outerspace universe bar called "Encore" (yeah, I haven't gotten over that place), I realized alot of things. Funny, I know, but my supposed babe-hunting with my "good influence" friend ended up as an out-of-place recollection of an out-of-character person.
What did I realize? While finding a date is always the first step, getting to know what you're looking for and why are you looking remain to be the first questions you have to ask yourself. I absolutely had no idea what I was doing when I got myself surrounded by party people.
I started to rethink my values...my preferences...my visions of an ideal life.
Everything has to start inside me.
I eagerly studied my feared subjects to prove myself that there is nothing I cannot conquer now...nothing in the world of academics, and hopefully, nothing in the real world too. I will become a Guidance counselor. And to be able to help others, I have to help myself - through confidence.
Ha. Confidence.
The whole time, I was afraid of looking out to the world. The whole time, I was only looking at my flaws, my shortcomings, and ultimately, my insecurities. I realized that my lack of it has prevented me from loving my own self...and that's probably why no one has ever dared to try and love me.
You know what, dear reader (its either the two of you, or both...whoever!) I almost had to just forget all about this blog stuff. I wanted to bury it along all the hardships I've written here...things I just wanted to keep in memory. But then again, it seems that I will have to once again write along the lines of this bloggity blog and tell those who care how things are going for me...for the better, or for the worse.
I missed this feeling haha. n_n
My daughter is finally back in the Philippines, and is going to stay for good. Good times are ahead...ooops, happening already, between her and her boyfriend (my sonny-in-law). My professor is back on her blogging to, and is happy with her new guy. And hey, these two dears of mine are going to graduate soon!
My businessman friend's money-making is going great too. My other close friend got admitted to a modelling agency, and just had her first ramp show.
Dad's job has been good as ever. Mom just learned how to use FB, and my sis just got her new boyfriend after 1 year and n months.
With all the good things happening to the people I love, how can I stay melancholic? How can I say that I am living in a miserable dark world?
Did you know there was actually an 8th Deadly sin? It was called Acedia...an unaccounted feeling of sadness and despair towards one's life.
...I was sinning the whole time.
My paradigm shift still continues up to this point. Everything will be fresh and new. My dreams, hopes, and wishes...I'll be putting them in the same basket where I have put my life.
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