2009-11-20 @ 10:06 PM
Who am I to you
I was daydreaming the whole day again. I felt like time was frozen...I cant think of anything better to do, I`ve got no one to talk with, and I feel lazy to move around.
So yeah, I spent the whole afternoon daydreaming (well, actually, I was waiting for Ouran vids to buff along with it)...and my preoccupation then was...
``Who am I to people?``
I was thinking why I exist...and for whom.
I was thinking if there are people who feel happy when I am around...and if there people who feel otherwise...
I was thinking if there is a person who wished I was someone else in his/her life...or just thought of me as an insignificant trash data that needs to be forgotten...
It probably is difficult to find the answers. Even though I know myself better than anyone else, I still cannot disregard the fat thatthere is a fraction of my existence that can only be unveiled when I am associated with other people...
As a member of my family, I am expected to be the `third-in-command`. My parents have great expectations for me, from household chores to my education. My sister...well...I am supposed to be a brother to her, but I myself am not sure if Im doing the job right...
I wonder what these people really think of me?
Back when I was in elementary, up until I finished high school, people call me by different names...`nerd`, `Digimon emperor`, `the corny guy`, `sir`, `mr. serious`, `the crazy lover`, `Eagle scout`. These are all I could remember...there`s probably more...
I`m responsible for all of these. What I show people...are what they call me.
I wonder if some of them were erased with time? I wonder if the same people still look at me the same way?
And what about the new people that I meet? Classmates, acquiantances, chatmates, friends...I wonder how they perceive me as a person?
I could only show what I could show.
I have to admit that I sometimes do not show the real me...I have my own anxieties...my own fears of rejection...
And whether I let them see the whole me or not, there is bound to be a part of my existence that lives with all the people around me.
Existence, huh?
Its a nice word when you think you have been an inspiration...if you there is something in you that made someone else`s life different, in a positive way...if you live for a particular purpose that will make this world a little better...no matter how small the change would be.
It becomes a sad word when you are forgotten...when you are rejected...when you are despised and hated...
Now you might wonder...
What good will thinking of all these things would do to me?
Tell you what, I have but a simple dream...
I want to be a memory.
I live this life not only for myself but for other people as well.
I want to be a person who is capable of making the people around me happy.
I want my existence to be meaningful...for me and for the people that I will spend my life with.
...for only in those people can I only find the answers...
so yeah...
Who am I to you?
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