2009-12-17 @ 6:28 AM
Because I dont know what to call this.
This world is indeed funny.
And funny things happen to be the weakness of a dreamer like me.
So many things have happened in the past few days. So many downs, really, but I guess things are getting alright now.
For a while, I stopped dreaming.
Ive come to realize that it is much easier to move on with my life if I would embrace reality.
These past few days brought some shocking and unexpected turns of events. I have to admit that I almost fell into the darkness once again, if not for the realization that going back will just make the whole thing appear like a pointless little lie. It isnt. And I dont want to think of it that way.
Ok, I`m gonna be blunt here.
I`m not bothered by the fact that my feelings werent returned.
I was bothered more by the idea of losing a friend.
I was quite relieved that the silence between us was not that of cold and hateful feeling...more like I have to wait for a chance when we can talk again like we used to.
That much I understand well. The process made me realize how much I have to be grateful that she`s doing well right now. That guy`s extremely lucky...really, he has a gem in his hands right now. I hope this will be a good beginning for the two of them, especially her...after all she`s been through...
Challenges continued to rain on my life.
I visited the psychiatrist this tuesday.
Its official. Hydrophobia it is.
I was thankful there are people who finally understood what I REALLY feel. Even my parents are doubtful of my condition, but after getting a checkup, they finally managed to accept it. Even the professors are very accomodating.
As for me, its both a good and a bad thing.
Good thing: no more swimming nightmares.
Bad thing: another battle lost = frustration
I guess this is one of the things I have to move on for. Its a matter of acceptance. I mean, I have been diagnosed of manic depression too, due to my extremely melancholic behavior and way of thinking. An added frustration will definitely hurt, but only I can help myself from it.
Ok, I dont want this post to look like another emo post again. n_n
Im just glad im still alive to see things go as they are.
Sadness yields happiness when memories are cherished.
Failures becomes success when capabilities are accepted.
I know better who I am now.
God really knows how to play the cards.
I`ll stop dreaming for a while.
I guess its time for me to focus more on my real self, rather than keep on dreaming what I can be.
Heck, it might be time for me to put the romantic dreaming stuff on a hiatus too. I gotta make myself hot first (hot like Taylor Lautner) then go bait myself in a pool of beautiful fishes.
Just kidding. n_n
But really.
Its yet another time for me...
...to bring about a significant change in my life.
Things will be a little different from now on.
Thank you.
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