2009-12-09 @ 1:49 AM
You giveth...You taketh away...WAY too soon...
To all the followers of my blog, I would like to start this post with an apology. I believe I already told you in my previous posts that I will try to sound a little less emo now...but then, I guess being emo is part of the melancholic program harcoded into my consciousness...and its something that I cannot rid myself off completely...
When you were just a child, have you experienced being given the sweetest candy in the world, only to be taken away from you just before you indulge in its sheer sweetness?
If you did, you must have cried alot. It probably was one of the most disappointing things that ever happened to you...
...having received such a wonderful gift...
...but then, it gets robbed off from your very hands all of a sudden...without even having a chance to enjoy it...even for just a little longer...
It happens to me all the time...perhaps since the time I realized that it does...
I can still remember my high school days...the days I spent pursuing a girl I thought to be the woman of my dreams.
Every single day, I always keep an eye for opportunities to speak to her, to be with her, to make her happy. Opportunities did come - I get to buy her some chocolate or a cup of ice cream, I get her to speak to me regarding her troubles, I get her to smile at me. For each and every time that I grabbed the chance and made a move, I was happy...fulfilled even.
Twenty four hours will pass by then, and before I could have a chance to cast a wish, those that I have done seemed to vanish like a forgetten memory. The next day, she would act withdrawn, almost as if all that happened the day before were insignificant and not worthy of any attention.
Each and every time it happens, I always ask the same question...``Why so fleeting? Why so fast? Why does it seem like a borrowed memory that was never supposed to stay?``
Time passed since then, and I still ask the same question. Yes. I have already moved on from that very girl, and yet, the thought that all the good things that will come will just be another swift blow of wind, still haunts me to this very day.
It always gives me a reason to fear the sweetest and most endearing memories that are about to come.
The confidence and courage I displayed in my swimming practice were just short-lived. I failed the first practical exam...and I wasnt able to catch up with my classmates, despite how `easy` the lesson was.
It might be just a single damn-and-pathetic reason, but for me, the thought somehow shakes my entire being.
Will I be able to do better in statistics after achieving the highest mark among my classmates?
Will my family`s condition eventually turn favorable after the news of the arrival of my dad`s visa?
Will issues concerning my heart finally take on better times after finding the person who finally saw me out of the darkness?
Will I finally be able to see true light after finding people who believed and accepted me as who I am?
I have but a simple wish...
I want to take hold of that candy for longer...
I want to taste it...to have it melt in my mouth...cherishing its sweetness as if its the most wonderful pleasure my tastebuds ever had...
Is it selfish of me to have such wish?
Trust me Lord...that whatever you give to me will always be appreciated at heart...not a single blessing taken for granted...
Trust me Lord...this is all I can ask for...
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